my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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