I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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