He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
