why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
