I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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