we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
