I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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