my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
