Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
