Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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