its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
