In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
