I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
