I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
