So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
