I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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