Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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