I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
