I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
