you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
