Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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