I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
