I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
