i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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