I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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