That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
