I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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