oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize