He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
