so that wasnt chicken after all
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
