id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
