Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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