im having a threesome with these popsicles
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
