1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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