apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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