and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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