The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
