I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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