They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
