THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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