i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
