Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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