Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pants are for mortals
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
