Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
