After last night, I could never be a politician.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Say something about gay babies.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I touched a dick in church today
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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