I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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