Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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