I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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