I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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