he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
