they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
