if you like me you must not know who I am
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
