I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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