he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize