I wish life had little blips of pornography
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
