discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How's work?
Spinning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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