I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
