she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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