Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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