I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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