i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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