my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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