party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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