so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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