Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
FUCK WHALES
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