We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
