I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
