That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
